Statistically speaking, orphans who have been adopted by a same sex couple are more likely to have higher grades than a child who is adopted by a straight couple.
Deni Mazrekaj, Kristof De Witte, Sofie Cabus at Belgian university KU Leuven – not a direct quote
Why is that?
I read an article that was showing this fact a couple of months back. At the time I wasn’t thinking anything of it. But over time, through my own experience, it has become more relevant.
I am attracted to intelligence. It has meant that I dated scientists, linguists, archaeologists, you name it. Every woman I have dated has had a career that meant they have had to use their intelligence to get by. Over time, I found a thought forming at the back of my mind as to why? Why are they so intelligent?
Nature vs Nurture.
I, of course, was interested in their upbringing. It was never my primary goal to understand it, if I was to meet anyone’s parents I was more nervous about making a good impression than anything else. But there has been one thing that has stood out and I never really understood it until now.
As a dyslexic, I have, like every other dyslexic, a lack of confidence and an insecurity within myself. Something I have battled for years and only been able to make good strategies for dealing with recently, in my thirties. It makes sense, because as a dyslexic in a school in the 90’s, I was consistently made out to be stupid. I was considered to have a learning disability and being mixed in the pool of everyone else who was considered disabled in their learning.
However, now most people know that dyslexics are very useful in modern society due to their ability to see connections offering creative solutions to complex problems. But it doesn’t help the fact that I was told multiple times from pretty much everyone, what I can and cannot do. I always felt like I had to prove myself but felt like I would have this inevitable failure. It was like permanent fear ran through my veins causing me to stagnate, freeze and not be able to complete exams. I had the knowledge but didn’t know how to show it.
The best way to describe this is that words are easily forgotten by a dyslexic. But the structure of an organisation or method or reason for doing is lodged into the dyslexic mind. We just can’t remember the label for that. So if there are constant labels being used in the exams to prove we have knowledge of this structure, of course we will fail even though we probably understand better than a neurotypical person and will retain that information much better. We are able to transform that information into an action in the workplace finding creative solutions to complex problems. It is why more than 50% of successful entrepreneurs are dyslexic.
I am insanely attracted to and feel an incredibly connected to my current partner. My current partner has skills that I never even knew existed. She is able to read a full page in a book in seconds instead of minutes, she is able to speak five languages fluently and just seems to excel at any task that is given to her. I am so lucky to be with someone so beautiful in so many different ways and lucky to have met her family.
But there was one thing that stood out most when meeting them (I mean besides everyone being incredibly emotionally honest that is). It was the fact that they never acted like what I said was stupid, unusual, different or strange. Even though we had a major language barrier, I felt accepted. Even though the culture was so different and we talked about sensitive topics that could trigger someone. There weren’t any triggers. There was no aggression or uncomfort. They just wanted to know who I was. It made me feel closer to my partner and made me realise that perhaps this is the secret. Perhaps this feeling of being made important, of being listened to and what was said was actually considered seriously. Perhaps this is the reason some succeed whereas others don’t.
When talking with them, I realised as a family, they had suffered a lot of trauma. They didn’t want to pass that trauma onto others. They wanted to prevent anything like that happening again, to anyone. Then it brings me back to the first statement about same sex couples. Mostly, they go through that trauma of not being accepted. The whole of Pride Festival is based on accepting people as they are. They don’t want to pass on the trauma they went through.
Then the statistics show that their children will more likely do better in school. In my mind, it must be linked. My assumption is, an opposite sex couple are more likely to have strict rules against certain things and the child would be forced to conform in some way. They are more likely to be part of a religion that subdues the child’s desire to branch out and be curious about the world. My hypothesis is that, that form of parenting, without respecting the child’s freedom, ensures the child remains nullified to the benefits of acceptance. Ensuring their future to be full of struggle and failure.
If you are interested to know more about this topic, there is a brilliant TED talk discussing confidence, how important that skill is and how to attain it.
https://www.ted.com/talks/brittany_packnett_cunningham_how_to_build_your_confidence_and_spark_it_in_others?utm_source=linkedin.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=social&utm_content=2022-06-21-cutdown